Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
