What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
