So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
