If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
