My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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