she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
