He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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