Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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