just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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