stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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