Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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