so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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