bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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