he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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