Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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