Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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