I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
