cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
