dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
