i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
