If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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