He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my liver is dry heaving
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
