just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
