I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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