hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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