Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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