We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
