I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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