My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
