he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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