It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
