party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
