Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
