I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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