It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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