U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
