clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
