first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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