have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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