ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
