there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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