i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
