Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
