Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
