I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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