So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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