So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
