the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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