5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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