yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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