he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
