i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
