u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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