So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
