OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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