3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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