My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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