You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
