Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
