I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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