just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
