I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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