Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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