So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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