When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
