your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
