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• (616): View more from Michigan

  GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  this study room smells like vodka

  (310): View more from California

  the study room thinks the same about you

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And to think..we used to do everything sober...

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.

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