remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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