I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
