I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
