the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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