my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
