Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
