don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
