i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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